Oh Dear Lord
by voldie90
Summary: What happens when your enemy.pranker.stalker.annoying prat graduated last year from Hogwarts, but comes back next year as your Defense teacher? Well, you'd definitely say, Oh dear lord. LJ, somewhat AU, Rated for language.
1. Of Pains and Surprises

Read and enjoy! (I'll blab later) :)

**Disclaimer: **Anything you recognize is not mine! The rest may or may not be mine too.

**Chapter 1: Of Pains and Surprises**

---

_Bang. Bang. Bang-Bing-Bang. _came the irritating sound of a spoon clacking on the sides of a cauldron.

"Wake up, freak!" came the voice of an evil being, a cruel witch intent on making my life miserable. I struggled to awaken myself from my deep slumber, determined to protect myself from the devastating monster that's probably planning to drown me in the hot, boiling potion in the cauldron, just because I refuse to wake up...

Okay, so I'm exaggerating. I'm really not _this_ close to being tortured by an evil witch. I'm just being awoken by my meanie-of-a-sister Petunia. And the _bang-bang_ I heard? That's dear old Petty's noisy way to wake me up without touching me. In fact, she tries to minimize the time both of us being in the same room.

Honestly. It's not as if I have tuberculosis or anything.

Either way, it must have taken her a lot of courage to come wake me up. You would have done great in Gryffindor, I reckon, darling sister-of-mine.

...NAH!!

Petunia's only fit to be an old hag-like witch who takes pleasure in luring little kids into her trap and then eating them alive.

As you can see, my sister and I don't exactly get along. Wait, let me rephrase that so that it represents the truth better: my sister and I basically hate each other. I'm not going to bore you with details of our hatred, but the reason is important: it is because I'm a witch.

Oops, all this talk about witches must be confusing you. My sister's a witch in the figurative sense - she's a little mean (which is the understatement of the century!). And me? I'm a witch in the literal sense - no, I don't have an ugly wart on my nose, but I do have a wand, and a cauldron to brew potions.

...hm, now that I think about it, that's pretty much all I own. I don't even have an owl, and I'm about to enter my seventh year and last year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I always have to borrow Julie (my friend)'s owl to send mail to Mum and Dad. And GOD! this owl has the longest - LONGEST - name: Prince Henry Jeffries Ulyavitch Stoppard Wilmingtondelleson Brattel. We affectionately call him Brat for short.

I don't own a broom, because I'd rather kiss a dragon than ride a broom. It's not that I'm afraid of heights. But the prospect of FLYING on a piece of wood at altitudes so great sort of ... scares me.

Anyway, Petunia showed almost-Gryffindor-like courage and woke me up today because I have morning-itis ... I cannot, for the love of Merlin, wake up in the morning by myself. I don't even sleep that late ... I usually hit the sack around midnight. But no matter how late (or early) I sleep, I cannot wake up before 10 am. This could be a problem, say, when I have to go to CLASSES everyday at Hogwarts! at 8:30 am!!

So my other friend, Alice, is responsible for waking me up at school. God, that's the second bad thing about myself that I discussed in the past five minutes...I feel very inferior right now. God, who would have ever thought that I, Lily Evans, model student, new Head Girl of Hogwarts, has an INFERIORITY COMPLEX?!?

Oh bugger.

Anyhow, my morning-itis could also cause an issue on an important day like today, when -- OH SHOOT! The Hogwarts Express leaves in an hour!

With this thought, I sat up suddenly and cracked my neck. I reached my hand and put it over the searing pain and rubbed it. Cursing softly, I got up.

I hope this is not how my entire day is going to be.

---

I reached King's Cross with five minutes remaining. As soon as Mother stopped the car, I jumped out and ran. Duh, idiot, you forgot the trunk. Obviously I couldn't just _Accio_ my trunk over. So I wasted more time, ran back to my car, pulled the STUPID trunk behind me.

I think that took about three minutes.

Oh hell, I'm going to be late, I'm going to miss the train, I'm going to miss the _effing_ train ... and there aren't even the Marauders this year to do some pranking and hold up the train.

The Marauders, led by Sirius Black and James Potter, were a group of rule-breaking, trouble-making, good-looking, girl-dating group of four boys in the year ahead of me. So obviously they graduated from Hogwarts last year. Sure, they taunted the helpless, pranked everyone in the damn school (including teachers, of course - they had turned Dumbledore's hair sparkling purple to match his robes). But I don't think they ever meant any harm - their tricks were always benign.

Moreover, my circle of friends (back in the day, that is, in our first year at Hogwarts, we called ourselves the Three Amigos) and the Marauders are quite close. Remus Lupin, the only intelligent one in that troublesome group, went out with dear Julie ever since the middle of fifth year. In fact, they are still going quite strong (I do admire their ability to maintain a long-distance relationship). I don't want to go on a tangent or anything (haha, that is quite ironic; this whole thing is a tangent, so one more won't hurt), last year, we actually made up names for Julie and Remus's babies...Julie has an obsession of colors, so we think their first daughter will be called Mauve or Scarlet, whereas their first son will be called Cyan (pronounced like Ryan but with a C!)

So no, even though I was a prefect and the Marauders are a prefect's worst nightmare come true, I had no problems with them. No. But the one marauder I had a problem with, is James Potter. (A/N: you guessed it :D)

Well, I guess it shouldn't be called a _problem_. No, I'd call it ... an outright nuisance. He's like one of those little kids who feel the need to wonder about _everything_, from why the sky is blue to why moaning sounds come from their neighbor's house at night cough.

James Potter used to ask me out at least three times a day. I know it was at least three times a day because he used to see me during all three meals, when he used to feel the need to sit next to me every single time. Okay, you might think he did this because he had feelings for me...nope. The only reason, THE ONLY REASON, why James Potter persistently asked me out was because this was his idea of a prank. Or maybe because I'm one of the few girls in the school who could resist James Potter's charms. Well, okay, I can't lie: I thought he was good-looking. Actually, I thought he was completely smokin'. But the boy's personality...not so much!

Pardon me as I take a break from my rambling; I need to get my arse onto that train right now. WAIT UP!!

---

As I was running behind the train trying to catch up to the last bogey (I magicked my trunk into fitting in my pocket so I didn't have to lug it around), I was yelling very many obscenities at it. All of a sudden, the train lurked to a stop. At first thought, it seemed as if it stopped for me! Yeah, that's right; they must have realized that the Head Girl hadn't boarded the train, so they stopped to wait for me.

Yeah, no.

I ran up to the last bogey, madly smiling at my apparent victory, when this _massive _grayish-green thing flew at my face. That ugly mass, which is more commonly referred to as a toad, was the reason the train stopped. Apparently, this stupid first year lost control of his pathetic pet toad, which madly jumped around the compartment, and finally almost out the door. But as _I _was standing at the _freaking _door, I had the charming opportunity to catch the frog! I mean toad. Sheesh, what's the difference.

What can I say, I'm a natural hero. All the underclassmen in the vicinity were staring at me with such reverence and admiration at my heroic abilities. So, I resisted the temptation to immediately chuck the frog out the train (I considered squeezing it to its death for a teeny moment, but I shuddered at the green-brown-gray oozy-ness that I might get covered in). Instead, I pretended to be a damn hero and returned the poor toad to its owner. It gave me a look of disgust. Yeah, well, I don't think so great of you either, toady.

Aw, and guess what, everyone applauded for me! What a great way to start of the new year, Lily!

---

After years of endless searching (note: few years may have gone by in a span of two minutes), I found my loving friends. I was so happy upon seeing them, I gave out a scream of delight.

"AAAAHHHHH!!!!! FINALLY, GODDAMMIT!" Alice jumped two feet into the air at my outburst, whereas Julie just gave me an exasperated look.

"Hi Lily!" They responded dully. Huffpuffhuff, fine, is that how they're going to treat me after two whole months of not seeing each other!

I gave them a pout. "You guys suck. Great friends you are."

"Well, we knew you were going to be late. I mean, Alice isn't there to wake you up as - oopf!" Julie was cut short by my chucking a pillow at her that I randomly found in the compartment. Hey, where'd that pillow come from?

Alice rolled her eyes at us. "I must congratulate Dumbledore on his choice of the new Head Girl. Very mature she is."

I blew a raspberry at her. No, I'm not usually this sophomoric. I'm just very elated at seeing my unfriendly mates. "Who's the Head Boy, by the way?" I asked her.

Julie answered first. "Not Elias Ganter, if that's who you're hoping for." Elias is a fit Ravenclaw who I might have the slightest crush on. Hehehe.

But he's not the Head Boy. Darn. "Who then?" I asked, curiosity getting the better of me. "Not stupid Avery, is it?"

By the dark looks on my friends' faces, I could tell I hit jackpot. Avery, who was a Slytherin prefect last year, was rumored to be one of Dumbledore's nominees. Oh yeesss, he's very smart and all...if only he didn't use his talent to do bad things. And by bad things, I mean the Dark Arts.

What was Dumbledore thinking?!? How are we, as in Avery and me, supposed to work together?! AUGGGGHHHH!

Alice tried to cheer me up. "Well, look at the bright side of this year..." her face lit up. "No more Marauders!"

My face lit up a little. But Julie, on the other hand..."Yeah, no more Remus," she said in a gloomy voice.

"Shut up, retard," I told her oh-so-lovingly. "No more midnight awakenings!"

"No more trying to put up with Sirius's bad jokes!" Alice said, laughing with me.

"No more wondering _why_ the hell Peter is there at all!"

"No more having to make sure our pumpkin juice isn't spiked at breakfast!"

"And best of all...no more James Potter!" At this, the three of us high-fived each other. I mean, come on, when a bloke asks you out three times a day for a year straight, there comes a point when even your friends get annoyed. Although, Julie insists that James actually _likes _me. What bullshit. I mean, come on, James Potter goes out with so many girls...! He has a new girlfriend almost every other week. And no, his tradition of asking me out does not pause while he is in a relationship. That's why all his girlfriends break up with him that soon. And if this isn't proof of how moronic this kid is, then what is?

Seriously. James Potter having feelings for me? What nonsense!

---

We reached the Hogsmeade station right at dusk. As I was getting off, some kid ran up to me and told me that I had to sit in the carriage with the other Head. Now, if I was really, really responsible, so much that my sense of responsibility overshadows my fright of working with Avery, I would listen to this kid and go find my _stupid_ fellow Head.

No. I'm not that responsible.

I know, you wouldn't have guessed it!

So I ignored the message, and got into a carriage with Julie and Alice. Unfortunately, Alice's latest beau, Frank, sat in our carriage too. Okay wait, I make Alice sound like a whore. In reality, Alice couldn't be more _un_like a whore. She went out with one boy, who broke her heart by cheating on her. After that, Frank was her one and only boyfriend. They're pretty darn close now. Julie and I predicted that Frank will propose to her on her 18th birthday (in March).

Some wise advice: never be in a closed space with a couple. Yuck, yuck, yuck, double yuck. Julie and I had a very pointed conversation full of VERY BLATANT hints to the snogging Alice and Frank ("Yeah, my summer- THIS IS NOT A BROOM CLOSET- was great!").

As soon as we got to Hogwarts, Julie and I jumped off and ran through the double doors. Thankfully, Alice and Frank had split up, and Frank retreated to his own Ravenclaw table. My friends and I took a seat at the Gryffindor table, once again thanking God that the Marauders graduated last year. As I turned to greet my other Gryffindor mates, I heard Alice scream, "LILYYYY!!! TOAD!" just as I felt something slippery _plop!_ on my back.

I let a shriek and fell to the ground. Gasp! It's the same toad I had "rescued" back on the train! It seems this stupid amphibian has taken a liking to me.

Still on the floor, I turned around to see everyone staring at me with wide eyes. On one side, I saw the same first year and his little friends who had originally lost that darn toad. The kid was wide-eyed, and all sad-looking, complete with tears in his eyes. On the other side, I saw Professor McGonagall glaring at me for ruining her perfect First-year order. Hey, it's not my fault the toad is attracted to me. (then again, can't blame him not can I? hahaha)

I sighed. I guess I'm going to have to save the toad _again._ I crawled under the table looking for the toad. At this, I heard Professor McGonagall clear her throat and shoo the first years, yelling commands at them to form a line leading to the front of the room. I was still in the process of looking for the ugly warthead. I could hear the Sorting Ceremony taking place, but I still could _not_ find the darn toad. You know, this would be a lot easier if people weren't kicking me from the sides. Hello! Head Girl crawling under your table here, pay attention!

And I continued crawling through the rest of the Gryffindor table. I don't even know if the toad is under this table. But I was too embarrased to crawl out now. That would be a verey bad entrance, methinks. I'll go out after everyone finishes dinner.

_Grawwwl._

Heh. Listen to that. My stomach is grumbling at the mere throught of the word "dinner". I must be hungrier than I thought.

Suddenly, I heard a laugh that made my stop in my tracks. Or path, I guess, would be the correct word. You can't make _tracks_ while crawling. It's more of a _path_. But back to the point. The laugh was so sinister-sounding, that goosebumps erected all over my arms, and I subconciously sat up straight. And banged my head on the table. Oof. Stupid Lily. I brought my hand up to my head and rubbed at the spot I hit my head, but all the same, I tried to concentrate upon the source of the laugh, which was now talking. I tried in vain; the voice disappeared.

I don't know if it was stress or overexcitement at being at Hogwarts without the Marauders, but I thought the laugh sounded like James Potter. But what the heck...James Potter, back at Hogwarts?!? He's probably doing full-time what he does best ... picking up girls and getting drunk.

Must be the negative side of my brain trying to bring me back to reality from the euphoria I was feeling about the lack of Marauders. That was a confusing sentence, I apologize. Or it must be lack of FOOD. They must be into desserts now; I can smell treacle tarts, Chocolate cheescake, oh yummmmm.

Back to work, Lily. Look for the toad. Where is it, where is it, where- AH HA! FOUND YOU, YOU LITTLE RASCAL.

I crawled very slowly towards the toad, extended my arm, and ... GOTCHA!!!

Ooh, Dumbledore is making his welcome-back-feast-speech. Must listen.

"To the students who have stepped into this magnificent school for the first time: Welcome! To those who have been here before: Welcome back! I hope you excuse my repeating these rules year in, year out, but they are worth following, for various reasons. Firstly, I must remind you all that there is a reason the woods behind the school are called The Forbidden Forest." I could imagine Dumbledore peering through his half-moon glasses at all the students, pausing for a short period at the Marauders. OH WAIT! There are no Maraders!!! HAHAH.

"Secondly, the tree called the Whomping Willow still likes to damage anything within its reach. So beware. Thirdly, our beloved caretaker, Mr. Filch, has kindly asked that I remind you that Dungbombs and any other such materials are forbidden on the school property. I suggest you take his wish to heart, students! Lastly, I would like to apologize to any that might be disheartened by these news," ... dramatic pause ... "Our Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, Professor Fingley, has left us for unknown reasons." Pssh, who would be disappointed to see _Fingley_ go? He was so old and wrinkly, just sitting in front of him felt disgusting. "Our new Defense professor will be," ... another pause ... "James Potter."

WHAT!!!!!!!

Oh dear lord.

---

**A/N:** Please forgive me for starting another story and not updating "Pour your Heart out"...I'll do it! Eventually :)

Today's my birthday. And I had to get a shot (vaccine). **Review** and make it better for me?

Haha, okay seriously, I want to see what your reactions are. I might not continue the story if I don't get much response.

So...REVIEW. Ta.


	2. Of Blissful Showers and Scary Missions

**A/N**: Hehehe…go ahead, throw tomatoes at me. But don't be disgusted if I lick myself… I love tomatoes :o) You might want to read the last two lines of the previous chapter for continuity.

**Disclaimer**: I think the only thing that I own is Julie.

---

**CHAPTER 2:** Of Blissful Showers and Scary Missions

---

Oh, ha. They must be kidding me.

James Potter? Defense _professor_? Oh HAHA.

I let go of the toad that I had caught with immense difficulty. I did bang my head on the table after all, and probably lost a few brain cells in the process. I quickly scrambled out from under the table and numbly walked back to where Julie and Alice were sitting.

As soon as I had reached them, I crashed onto the bench between the two. (I'm sorry I'm so dramatic. But you have to understand…this is James Potter! Here again to ruin my life! When you have a stalker who very seriously stalks you for more than a year, then you know there is a problem.)

I looked at Alice. "Please tell me this is not happening."

She gave me a pitiful look and shook her head.

I tried to stay positive. "They're going to say 'April Fools!' anytime now," I said with determination.

Julie replied sadly, "This is September, Lil."

I groaned and banged my head on the table. This is it. Best year of my life so far just turned into (quite possibly) my worst.

"If there is a God, He hates me," I muttered darkly, when Dumbledore shushed us, and resumed his speech.

"Now that you all have had the chance to chat about these exciting news," (my thoughts: exciting, my foot), "I would like you all to finish the excellent feast and head down to your dormitories. Prefects, you may lead the way to your respective dormitories. Heads, please see me for a quick word before you're off. Good night and good luck on starting another wonderful year!" He ended.

Benches scraped as they were collectively pushed back. Everyone got up, tummies full and happy. I had to walk against the crowd to the High Table where Professor Dumbledore was sitting. He was intently conversing with Potter, so I decided to wait far, _far_ away from them. From the other side of the room, Avery started walking towards me. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw his smirking face, and became more disheartened about working with him this year. Seriously, what a lousy year I will have for sure, tortured by Potter and Avery.

"Hey Evans," came the unpleasant drawl of Avery.

I threw him a dirty look.

"Heard you'll be working with _me_ this year," he continued.

No shit, fatso. But if I hadn't wanted the Head Girl position since second year, I'd ditch working with you any second. I gave him a look trying to convey all this.

Thankfully, Dumbledore finished his conversation with Potter, and spotted us waiting for him. While he was walking towards where Avery and I were standing, I chanced a look at Potter. And guess what he was doing.

Guess.

Seriously, just guess!

…

No, you're wrong. He wasn't smirking at me, or sending me flying kisses, or ruffling his hair at me. He was actually frowning at me. That's right, ladies and gentlemen; James Potter looked at me and _frowned_.

Now, I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing.

---

"We have to do something about it!" Julie declared when I finally entered the seventh year girls' dormitory. At first, I was too exhausted to comprehend whatever she was talking about.

So, "mhwaa" was my reply.

"Was that a yes or a no?" Julie persisted.

"Mhwaahwaa," I said again as I collapsed onto my bed.

Alice took up now. "C'mon Lily, we need to do something about it. You of all people should feel the need to."

GODDAMMIT, I MIGHT IF YOU TELL ME WHAT 'IT' IS!! Man, I was too tired after a day full of catching up to trains, chasing Lily-liking toads, bumping my head on tables, and finding out that my stalker-person is the Defense teacher for the whole next year! So after all this, I was rewarded with a slap upside the head for my apparent "stupidity". Have I mentioned how unsupportive my friends are?

But yeah, the slap woke me up.

"What! What?" I asked stupidly.

Julie rolled her eyes at me. "James Potter is back. As our _professor_."

I looked at her with confusion. "Yes, I think we established that already during dinner."

"And we – you – have to do something about it."

Oh. So _that's_ what 'it' is. Hmm.

Okay, at first, I admit doing something sounded alluring. We could, I don't know, get him kicked out and permanently _out of my life_! What a beautiful thought!

BUT, doing something would probably require spending time with Potter. And no, I don't think anything is worth _that_.

And that's what I told Julie and Alice. And they disagreed. Great.

"Don't you want to know why he's here?" Julie countered.

"Don't you want to get him fired?" Alice piped up.

"Don't you want to – "

"STOP!!" I yelled, cutting them both off. "I get it! You want me to do something about it!"

Julie and Alice collectively sighed. "Glad we finally got through her thick head."

I scowled. "Fine. What is it that you idiots had in mind?"

Sigh. I wish I hadn't given in so easily. I had no idea what I was surrendering myself to.

"So," Julie started. "We have it all figured out. The only way to get anything out from him – "

" – and to get _him_ out – " Alice butted in.

" – is for you to seduce him."

You can expect my reaction after that. "WHAT?!?!"

Alice glared at Julie and quickly amended their argument. "What Julie means is," (another dirty look from Alice to Julie), "you should _pretend_ to seduce him, but in reality, you're just getting information out of him."

"And if he actually yields to you, then you can report him and get him out of here!"

My response: Blink.

Julie sighed in exasperation. "And knowing the history between you two, he will yield to you easily. So it won't take you long to finish your job."

I blinked again in response, hoping against hope that this is a dream. My friends aren't such retards, are they? No. No, no, NO. This is not sounding nice at all.

Alice tried again: "Think about it, Lily! He's always torturing you. Now you get to torture him. He knows what yielding to you will cost him!"

"Yeah, go get revenge, girl!" Julie egged me on.

OOH…put in this perspective, the plan sounds alright… Well, okay, the course of action, not so much. But the consequences looked _yum_-my. Scrumptious, in fact.

Revenge…!!

"I'LL DO IT!" I yelled loudly, causing Julie and Alice both to wince. Poor them, my responses tonight seem to be limited to blinking and yelling.

I think I saw them two exchange a secret smile. But they resumed normal faces in the shortest period of time. Julie quickly said, "Okay, now go take an extra-long, super-hot, much-deserved shower. You can use my special essence shampoo!!"

Damn, that girl knew how to placate me. All thoughts of secret smiles zoomed out of my head. I immediately bounced off my bed, grabbed the first towel I saw, and jumped into the shower.

Bliss, here I come!

---

**Now…out of Lily's mind, and into the Gryffindor 7****th**** year girls' dormitory…**

"God, that woman is so hard to convince," muttered Alice.

"Yeah, I think we only managed to do it because she's tired out of her mind!" Julie agreed.

Alice gave Julie a look. "You almost ruined it for us, you poopoohead. You don't utter the word 'seduce' in Lily's presence. At least, not when _she_ is the one that's supposed to be seducing."

Julie scowled. "How she can be so conservative when she is friends with _us_, is beyond my mind."

They giggled together. "Hopefully, she'll warm up to James this year!" Alice said, a little too loudly.

"SHHH!" Julie warned. "She'll hear us…" (No, Lily was too busy enjoying her bliss in the shower.)

"Although…I still wonder why James is here…"

"Pish, we put Lily on the case, it's okay!" Julie said, bouncing on her bed.

They giggled again like little girls on a mission. Well, that they were, sort of.

"And soon, we'll have – "

" – Lily falling for James – "

" – and in a year or two – "

" – little green-eyed, black-haired babies running around!" Julie finished, laughing so hard she had tears in her eyes.

"It's bound to happen!" Alice said, much in the same state as Julie.

"Playing with little brown-haired, blue-eyed ones!" Julie said, with a glint in her eyes. She was, of course, referring to the relationship between Alice and Frank Longbottom.

Alice blushed deeply. "And what about you, Miss Penchant?" she asked, trying to keep a straight face and failing miserably.

Julie just shrugged. "I'll wait a few years. That way, you kids can be older and protect my kids. 'S all good!"

And so they sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes before undertaking the impossible: getting Lily out of the bathroom.

---

**Back into dear Lily's mind…**

I didn't sleep too well that night. Come on, would you? I'm supposed to be stalking and trying to "seduce" someone who has done just that to me for the past year and a half. Basically, I'm supposed to switch roles with James Potter.

Fiddlesticks.

At breakfast the next morning, we got our schedules for the year. Potions first, then Arithmancy, then Herbology. Insert lunch here. After lunch is Charms (my favorite), then Transfiguration (my least favorite), and lastly is Defense (shudder…this may become my new least favorite).

I turned to Julie and Alice. "So what do I do?" I asked them , for I had absolutely no idea as to what I should do to get Potter to fall for me.

They looked at me as if I was stupid. "Um, it's 8 in the morning, and you normally eat breakfast."

"Would you like us to demonstrate?" asked Alice, feigning concern.

I whacked them both on their arms. "You know what I'm talking about."

They smirked at me, like co-villains or something. And that pissed me off a little. It's not fair. How can they both gang up on me like this and make me do such atrocities? I need at least one person on my side!

"Well, first, you stop wearing such conservative clothes inside your robes," Julie responded.

"Conservative! I'm wearing a T-shirt and jeans! We're _supposed _to be wearing long-sleeved sweaters and floor-length skirts. Conservative, my butt!"

Apparently, I'm wrong. "But you need to wear clothes with more … _ooopmf_!" Julie explained.

I started blankly at them. "_Ooompf_?"

They both nodded. "_Ooompf_." Alice confirmed.

Oh thank you, Alice darling, that makes it so much clearer! Now I totally know what you're talking about. So I gave them a look.

"You know…show more leg, more cleavage."

"If McGonagall sees me in – " I started.

But Julie cut me off. "If you want to succeed in your mission, you need to listen to us. If not, this'll go down in history as the first thing Lily Evans failed."

I told you, this girl knows _exactly _what to say to me. I like a clean record. No failures…even if it is in such shitty things as a mission to seduce Potter.

I hung my head in defeat, and sighed. "Then what?" I asked pitifully.

"A mini-skirt and a shirt that shows some breast, okay?"

Sigh. "Okay."

And then, Potter entered the Great Hall. Immediately, Julie gasps and practically screams, "OH MY GOD! THERE HE IS!" while _very _blatantly pointing at him. I may normally be very embarrassed due to these childish actions, but this time, half the Hogwarts population were doing the same. At least Julie wasn't standing up to get a better ogle at Potter, like most of the other girls were doing. See, what'd I tell you? James Potter has a reputation like that…even if he is a professor, he'll have half the Hogwarts girls crushing on him.

The other half usually crushed on Sirius Black. Stupid Marauders.

Julie poked me, bringing me back from my thoughts. "Go on, wink at him!"

I was mortified at the prospect of _winking _at Potter. But Alice soon came to my rescue. She swatted at Julie, and said to me, "Not that fast! He'll be suspicious if you wink at him. Just smile at him … NOW!"

As soon as Alice muttered "now", I attempted a small smile. I think my face ended up sporting a gross grimace. At least, that's what I gathered from the glared on Julie and Alice's faces.

And that made Julie fed up of my failure-ness. "Lily, Lily, Lily …" she started, which made me cringe and cradle my head in my arms. "Don't think of this as seducing James Potter. Just think of this as … a very hard Arithmancy problem. Yeah, that's it!" Julie's eyes sparkled with pride at her quick thinking. Actually, she seemed a bit surprised at herself for thinking of such an ingenious metaphor. Anyway. "So what do you do first with an Arithmancy problem? Lay out all your givens, knowns, and unknowns. What do you know? That James Potter has been trying to get you since fifth year. That James Potter is a sucker for skin. That getting close to James Potter means getting access to lots of information, and having him at your mercy practically assures good grades for us in Defense – "

At this point, I opened my mouth to argue that grades this year hardly matter. Our NEWT scored are far more important.

But Julie, stupid girl that she is, already knew that I was going to say that. She basically knows me inside and out. So she kept talking louder and ignored my look of outrage upon being ignored.

" – AND BEST OF ALL, _you _would have the power to get James Potter kicked out … then, you, Lily, can finally have the peace and quiet you've wanted since fifth year."

MUST. RESIST. TEMPTATION. TO. BELIEVE. JULIE. IS. RIGHT.

I snuck a look at Alice, who was vigorously nodding her head in accordance to what Julie was saying. Julie continued, "So now, you will stare that idiot down. If he looks at you – which, mind you, he _will_ – give him a sweet smile. Potter liked you for your sweetness, so he'll like a saccharine smile from you more than a seducing one."

Wait a minute, how does this girl know the details of Potter's supposed love for me? I still refuse to believe he even _likes _me that way. He only asked me out as a prank. And now that he's a professor, he's going to just try to fail me, or get me into trouble, or something equally grueling. He knows how to push my buttons, all right.

So I stared at him. Well… "stared" in the sense that I looked in his general direction every few minutes, when Alice or Julie reminded me to. And not once did I catch him looking at me.

What was going on with this boy? He's almost a different man …

---

**A/N:** I promise, I'll update in a few days this time (maybe even tomorrow!!) Review and give me something to think about.

ps. I'm about to register for courses as a freshman in college…any advice??


	3. Of Defense Classses and Detentions

**A/N:** Hehe, "tomorrow" apparently means "next month" in my world … go ahead, yell at me already.

**Disclaimer: **It's depressing now that the seventh book is out and done with …

---

**CHAPTER 3: **Of Defense Classes and Detention

---

There wasn't any "first day back from summer!" excitement that morning. It was as if the teachers didn't care that our brains were numb and dull after a summer full of nothingness.

Every single teacher that morning spent the whole class yelling at us regarding the upcoming NEWTS, and how we'd all fail if we don't drastically increase the amount of time we spend on schoolwork. Professor Vector, the Arithmancy professor, even went as far as saying he will die and haunt us as a ghost until the end of our lives if we fail his NEWT (he never had a failure before …)

So the classes were all very dull and unexciting.

Which suited me fine.

I mean, I don't need any more excitement in my life, what with, oh, I don't know, TRYING TO SEDUCE JAMES POTTER.

Bleargh.

When the bell rang, signaling the end of Herbology, Alice immediately dragged me from the greenhouse. Now, this surprised me. Alice is a Herbology bug. Usually, she stays after and helps Professor Sprout clean up, and discuss with her about the "cool" new plant species that was discovered that can cure this-and-this.

But not today. Today, she literally ran out (pulling me along) when the bell rang.

Why? To start of Stage One of the stupid mission, of course. Which requires me to wear whore-ish clothing. (We have lunch right now. The plan, according to Julie, is to change during lunch everyday. I mean, I can't exactly change during the five minutes between Transfiguration and Defense.)

TRANSFIGURATION!! OH NO!

McGonagall will bury me alive if she sees me in the type of clothes Julie wants me to wear! Worse, she'll probably cut up my arms and legs and cook kebobs out of them. And I _don't_ need to know if my extremities make tasty appetizers.

"Alice! I can't change right now!" I said, attempting to convince her.

"This is the only time you _can_ change!" she said, not even slowing down. "You can't possibly think of changing before Defense."

Yes, that is exactly what I plan to do. I am NOT going to sir through Charms and Transfiguration dressed like a slut. Whatever superiority and respect I gained using my amazing skills in Charms will instantly be demolished. And in Transfiguration? Well, I suck in that class, so McGonagall already half-hates my presence in her precious class. It's all her fault that I'm so horrible in her class, actually. I'm fine at Transfiguration when I'm not around her. I scraped an 'Outstanding' in my Transfiguration O.W.L, didn't I? That's how I got into the N.E.W.T. level class. The thing is, I have to work to excel at Transfiguration, whereas others in her class are just naturally brilliant at it. So McGonagall doesn't think I deserve to be in her class …

Either way, I'm sure as hell not going to change my clothes now. So I got hold of myself and pulled to a stop. (Alice had been pulling me behind her like a red-haired rag doll). Alice, who hadn't been expecting this abrupt stop, fell back suddenly on her back.

Tee hee. Serves her right.

"LILY!"

I scrunched up my face in attempt to make a pleading face. But God seemed to be on my side … Frank Longbottom came into the scene. Alice immediately straightened up, and tried to dignify herself. As soon as Alice had turned to talk to her boyfriend, I sprinted away. Alice would not dare chase me when Frank is next to her. Theirs is still a new relationship, you know.

Yes! I ESCAPED!

­­­---

Neither Alice nor Julie are in Transfiguration with me. As soon as the bell rang at the end of Transfiguration, I bolted out the door towards the Gryffindor tower. Technically I'm not supposed to be running in the hallway … I hope I don't encounter Filch or some other stupid person who'd tell me off for doing so.

When I reached the Gryffindor Tower, I screamed the password at the Fat Lady, who seemed to sense my urgency. I practically flew up the stairs, and stopped as soon as I entered the dorm. I didn't realize how fast I ran; I was _really _out of breath.

And then, I realized something that made me hyperventilate more.

I had no outfit to wear. YOU DON'T REALIZE HOW SERIOUS THIS IS!!!

Alice was responsible of bringing me here, and Julie was responsible of giving me an outfit to wear, and I was responsible of complying to whatever they say _sin_ questions.

And thanks to my brilliant brain, all is gone.

I walked to my wardrobe, and tried to think of what to wear. Okay. What are the criteria for a suitable outfit?

1. Show skin.

2. Must make me look appealing.

3. Must show considerably more skin than I normally do.

4. Must make James Potter _cry_ for choosing to become a Hogwarts teacher.

5. Must look sexy.

6. SKIN!

Okay, I think that covers most of what Julie and Alice told me. Now comes the problem … I don't own anything that fits the criteria!!

I fell on my bed, for the first time feeling very crappy. So this is how failing feels. It feels as if … as if I disappointed someone. Everyone. Most importantly, I disappointed myself.

Lily Evans, failure in life.

It sounds so natural.

Great.

---

As much as I wanted to skip Defense and just curl up on my bed, I didn't. I wallowed in self-pity for five minutes (yes, I made myself late … give me a break; this is my first failure!). And then I pulled myself together: I may already have failed something; I can't fail anymore. Potter may be the Defense teacher, but I'm still the one who needs to learn and excel in the class. I need to earn an 'Outstanding' in the Defense N.E.W.T. and then rub it into Potter's face. HAH, THOUGHT YOU'D DISRUPT MY STREAK, DID YOU?

Or not. I'll probably never want to see Potter's face again after the last Defense class. Yes, that sounds good.

So I strapped on my book-bag, and ran towards the third-floor corridor where the Defense classroom is located.

When I reached the classroom, I put my ear to the closed door to make sure I'm not interrupting anything. Heck, this may be Potter's class, but interrupting is still rude.

" … will be dealing with extremely difficult situations. If you've ever had the impression that this is an easy class, push that out of your mind. I daresay this might be the most important, pragmatic class you will take this year, in light of recent events. Yes, I'm talking about the war."

Wow, he actually sounds intellectual and serious.

"No, you cannot ignore it anymore. This time next year, you will be on your own out there. You need to learn how to defend yourselves properly. It is crucial that your goal regarding this class is more than to pass the N.E.W.T. You need to strive to learn Defense as a way of life."

Way true. The war's pretty serious now. I glanced at my watch, and suddenly I realized that I was 15 minutes late to class! 15 minutes late to the 45-minute class!

Oops.

I heard Potter call out, "You may have noticed that you didn't have to buy a Defense book this year. Instead, we will be using these …"

Oh no, I'm missing learning now. And as Potter said, this isn't wishy-washy, time-passing, busy-work learning. This is _pragmatic_ learning.

I pushed open the door, unable to contain myself any longer. I hope people are busy enough to not notice my grand entrance …

Nope. No such luck. God left my side today to help some other poor, suffering child. Everyone's eyes were wide open. Julie and Alice, who were both in Defense with me, were completely glaring at me. Stupid friends. You need to understand what I'm going through.

Potter raised his eyebrows. You know, this is the first time I got to see him up close after his graduation last year. And I must say … he looks different somehow. His eyes, always so cheeky and mirthful, were serious. He donned an amused face at my late entrance, obviously. But it wasn't the same. There was something off in his face. Something I couldn't place.

"So nice of you to show up, Miss Evans. Welcome," he said in an amused sort of voice.

"Er – " What do I say? _I'm sorry_?

"No need to give an explanation now. Talk to me after class. I will not have you waste my class time."

"Er – " I said again, still stuck for words. What the frickin' hell? I hated this kid's guts for the past two years. Now I have to respect him and call him "Professor"? Forget the plan to seduce him. Considering him my teacher is hard enough. I just … can't seem to be able to respect him like that.

So I shut up and grabbed the first empty seat I could find. DARN. It was the first seat, right in front of stupid Potter. And for some stupid reason, I felt the need to blush. And let me tell you, I don't blush subtly. When I blush, my entire body, from my forehead to the tips of my toes, becomes red. My skin normally looks extremely pale next to my auburn-red hair. And then, since both my skin and my hair are red, I look really strange, like a big boiling tomato. So when I blush, I _blush_.

Hope you get the picture of how embarrassed I was.

---

Thankfully, I didn't have to talk at all that class. Potter just yapped about the syllabus for the year (which consisted of learning about Demetors and Patronuses, Inferi and how to deal with them, other creatures such as werewolves and giants, various defensive curses and such, and what to do in the case of the Unforgivable curses).

When Potter dismissed the class, I took my sorry sweet time packing up my belongings … which consisted of one pencil and one notebook to take notes.

Julie gave me weird looks as I was going through my excruciatingly slow process of packing. Alice left me to go gallivanting with Frank. I sent Julie a telepathic/facial message to LEAVE THE FUCKING ROOM ALREADY.

And, oh my god, I think it worked! Julie scrambled out the room as soon as I had dispatched the message. Hmmm, maybe I have telepathic power! Must research this more when I get out of this …

Finally, Potter and I were the only ones in the room.

"Miss Evans," James called me. That sounded so different from "Hey Evans!" or "Lily darling!" which is how Potter usually greets me.

Either way, I took a deep breath. Time to face the situation. I gathered up my courage, and finally looked up.

And suddenly, the intense teacher transformed into what he was six months ago.

"Hi, Lily," he said, with a big, goofy grin on his face. "Surprised?"

At first, I wasn't sure what to do. Am I supposed to be happy that he isn't reprimanding me for being late? Should I be relieved that James Potter is still the same, and hasn't changed as I seem to fear? Or should I be sad that James still had not matured, and seemed to be the same? What do I do???

I groaned. BIG TIME. All my frustration, relief, sadness, exhaust, everything I was feeling at that time, I put in to this groan and just went, "GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNN!!!!"

Potter jumped up in surprise. (that made me want to laugh, actually).

"Merlin, Lily, what's gotten into you??"

"_Why are you HERE??_" I asked with so much conviction and coldness that I surprised myself.

He smirked. James was used to me being cold to him. "Where have you been the last two days, Evans? I'm your professor now – "

I started to growl.

" – And by the way, that is _not _the way to speak to a professor. From now on, please address me as Professor Potter."

I snorted. "Oh please, the day I call you _Professor Potter _is the day I get detention." Which is never. I've never gotten detention, not once. And I have no reason too. I'm a good student, HEAD GIRL, if you've forgotten. Detention is reserved for trouble-makers and rule-breakers such as, say, JAMES POTTER.

"Okay then, Lily. Detention for being late. Not one day of detention, but five."

Whoa. "WHAT!!! YOU CAN'T DO THAT TO ME! I'M HEAD GIRL!!"

James remained calm. "Aaaaaand you entered class late _on the first day_, and you refused to show respect to a _professor_. Many reasons to give you detention."

I was sooo angry, I was practically breathing fire. I jumped off my seat and stood a foot from Potter. I poked his chest in anger and said, "You will _not_ give me detention on the _first _day of school. YOU. (poke) WILL. (poke) NOT. (poke poke poke) Understood?" I finished, glaring outright.

"_Ten_ days of detention. Bye bye, end of story, no more discussion."

"WH – "

"Meet me every day at 8 pm until your ten days have finished. Starting today."

"I – "

"The door is right over there, Miss Evans. Feel free to show yourself out."

How dare he. Fine. If he wants to fight, I'll fight. I'll cream you, James Potter.

You just wait.

---

That evening, Julie, Alice and I were sitting in the comfy couches in the Gryffindor common room, doing homework. Yes, first day back, and we had homework. When do we _not_. As dinnertime neared, Julie and Alice started wrapping up; I continued with what I was doing.

"Hey, it's almost time for dinner, let's go," Julie announced, closing her books and packing them.

"I'm not hungry," I commented. I had not yet told them of what happened at the end of Defense. I told them not to bug me, and they fortunately complied. But going to dinner means seeing Potter again, which will make me do something _very_ violent. Like chucking a porcelain plate at him. Or pouring pumpkin juice all over my "friends" Julie and Alice, because this is all their fault.

So it's best if I just skip dinner and stay non-violent.

Apparently me being not hungry is an aberration. Julie and Alice gave me weird looks. "Why?? Does this have to do with James?"

"James? James who? I don't know any James."

"No? Alright. This _definitely _has something to do with James."

"This most definitely does not. I'm not hungry, and that's the end of it. What don't you people understand?"

"Lily. Spit it out. We're your friends."

"FRIENDS!!!" I roared. "Friends don't force a friend into stupid missions dealing with people this friend does not ever want to see again. Friends don't let a friend _die _of embarrassment…much less cause this embarrassment themselves. Friends don't – "

"We get it," Alice said, cutting me off. Oh, maybe they'll stop this nonsense! "Shut up already." Or not.

"What did he do?" Julie asked in a bored sort of voice.

I sniffed. I let out a heavy breath. I grimaced, and strangled out, "He gave me … _detention_."

Both Alice and Julie froze. I looked up from the Arithmancy problem I was unsuccessfully doing to peer into their faces. Both of them were staring at me with wide eyes, faces full of pure, unadulterated shock.

I told you. Lily and Detention do not go in the same sentence. No wait, they don't exist in the same _century_. That's how huge this is.

"James gave you detention?!?" Alice croaked out, still unbelievingly.

I sniffed again. "Ten days of detention."

"TEN DAYS!!" Julie exclaimed. "Oh, poor you…"

I nodded pathetically. Finally. My friends are doing something they are supposed to do: comforting me.

But suddenly, a smile broke out on Julie's face. "Good, that gives you lots of time to spend with Potter _alone_. Go get him, girl!"

I was suddenly faced with such a large amount of anger that I closed my Arithmancy book and smacked Julie with it. She just got away, laughing. AAAUUURRRRGHHHHHHHHH. THE NERVE OF THESE PEOPLE … why, they're not people at all. Inhuman creatures they are, with no sense of compassion or pity.

Julie and Alice laughed it all off, and left for dinner. The time was 7:28 pm. I have to go to Potter's office in 32 minutes.

---

**A/N:** So. I had this written a month ago. I don't exactly know why I didn't feel like updating … forgive me :o) and review!


	4. Of Decisions and FourEyed Donkeys

**A/N:** Pretty quick, huh? I know you all are surprised … it's the numerous reviews and story alert-addings that made me do it. And this chapter is a full 1400 words longer than the previous one!

**Disclaimer: **Oh, but I'm not _that_ amazing :o)

---

**CHAPTER 4: **Of Gut-Wrenching Decisions and Four-Eyed Donkeys

---

At 7:49 pm, I decided it's time for me to head down to Potter's office. You know, for my _detention._

But I really, really, badly wanted to be late. At least an hour late. Or avoid going at all to detention and relieve myself from seeing Potter's face more than once in a day. But he'd probably give me twenty more days of detention for being late. To detention.

OH MY GOD, I DON'T THINK I CAN STAND SAYING THAT WORD ONE MORE TIME. How am I supposed to go there and sit through _ten days _of the fricking thing??

I hesitantly put my book bag away in my dormitory and started walking towards the exit. I had a sudden longing to see Alice. Julie's always the funny, manipulative one, but Alice is the sentimental one who always prepares me before I do something emotionally taxing … like going to detention.

Aaaaaauuurgh. I could definitely use one of Alice's comforting hugs now.

I started walking towards Potter's office on the third-floor corridor at snail's pace. I got thinking: what would he ask me to do? It's the first day back from summer, so it's not as if he'd have tests or quiz papers for me to correct. There's no essays or other assignments collected either. And he can't make me _write_ any tests either … he didn't teach anything yet. So what would Potter want me to do in detention? And mind you, this isn't just a one-day thing; I have to provide my services to _Professor Potter _for ten days.

Immersed in such unpleasant thoughts, I got onto the moving staircase that normally dropped off its patrons on the third-floor corridor. And guess who greeted me on the darned stairs?

"Evv-aaaaaaans!" drawled the last person I'd wanted to see. Wait, I guess Potter's the last person I want to see, so this is the second to last person I'd wanted to see. You might have forgotten him. My co-Head: Avery.

That's right, the idiotic, Dark Arts-loving, sufficient-enough-in-Dumbledore's-eyes-to-be-made-Head-Boy Marcus Avery. (A/N: I'm indifferent as to whether that's really his first name or not … sorry!)

I pretended not to hear him, and continued to walk up the stairs on my side. (He was descending the stairs on the other side). I held my head up and willed myself not to look at him. I know, I need to work with this kid all year. But let's only do that when I absolutely _have _to, alright? The first Prefects-Heads meeting of the year is tomorrow.

Wait, that means I will be unable to attend Potter's detention tomorrow! And since my excuse is actually authentic, I don't have to fear his wrath!

YES!!

Oh wait, then I'll have to deal with Avery. That puts a damper on things.

"HEY Evans!" Avery called again, the smirk evident in his voice. And apparently he didn't care that I wasn't responding (or he knew that I could hear; I didn't have anything blocking my ears, duh), so he continued talking. "Looking good, Evans! If you weren't a Mudblood, I'd definitely do you."

Obviously that made me whip around a hundred and eighty degrees, my face scrunched up with anger, wand in my hand, and ready to combat. What right does this monkey think he have, insulting me like that?

"Keep your mouth shut, Avery. No one wants to hear your tainted mouth or smell your foul breath," I said, putting as much contempt as humanly possibly in my voice.

"Yeah?" Avery countered, completely unaffected by my attack. He tilted his head and responded, "Wanna close my mouth with _yours_, Evans?"

My face reddened with anger as my temper rose. I'm not sure if the stereotype that red-heads have incredible tempers is always true … but it's definitely true for me. I raised my wand, ready to blast the idiot out of this world.

But thankfully, the moving stairs finished its travel and stopped. I quickly got off the stairs and lowered my wand. "Watch yourself," I spat at Avery, my eyes still scrunched together in anger.

With one last scornful glance, I walked away from the scene. Boy, I need to control my anger really badly. How lovely would it be for the Head Boy and Head Girl to duel on the first day of school? And who raised their wand first? The Head Girl, of course. And where was this Head Girl heading off to at this time? To _detention._

GODDAMMIT, WHY IS MY LIFE SO DEPRESSING ALL OF A SUDDEN!!??

I know why: Potter. That's why. I'll get you, Potter.

_I'll get you._

And suddenly, I made a gut-wrenching, mind-sickening decision: I will follow Julie's plan, and get him sacked. I don't care if my name becomes soiled along the way as the student James Potter had an affair with as a teacher. But watch out, that is exactly what's going to happen.

---

I didn't stop in the middle to change my appearance, or take a detour to the girls' bathroom to make sure I look presentable before I went to Potter's office. I didn't care how I looked at that point. Julie said Potter liked me since fifth year. I never wore make-up or showed that much skin all during that time. So it is completely unnecessary for me to change my appearance now.

When I reached the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom (the office is next to the room), I stopped to think about the subject. We had a different teacher every year for Defense. People say the job post is jinxed, which I think is ridiculous. If the post is really jinxed, then why would people apply for the job so enthusiastically, and how would Professor Dumbledore always be able to find a suitable wizard?

Yes, we always had a good teacher. Even though the teacher changed each year, we always had the confidence that whoever Dumbledore appointed to be our next teacher would be just as good as or even better than the previous one. Apparently this streak is about to end. James Potter might be very good at Defense, but he just graduated from Hogwarts this past May! He cannot be that good at being a teacher. Sure, he sounded pretty prepared and confident in class today. But that's just Beginner's luck! Just look, by the end of next week, he will be clueless as to what to do next.

I walked up to the door of Potter's office, and lightly knocked. I could hear music; someone was singing, and Potter is humming along. I think. And there was also a slight waft of tea …

"Door's open!" called out Potter in response to my knocking.

I delicately opened the door, and received quite a shock. First of all, I've never been in the Defense teacher's office. I've been to McGonagall's and Flitwick's but never here. Second of all, the room was FULL of boxes. Boxes in every inch of the place. Some were open, with their contents half-in, half-out. Some seemed completely untouched. Third of all, Potter was resting his butt on a box. There was another smaller box in front of him on top of which was a tray with a tea kettle, a sugar container, and two tea cups. There was yet another box in front of this coffee-table-box, on top of which there was a radio. There was music coming out of the radio.

I guess my face gave it away that I was surprised at the state of the room. Potter caught sight of my face, and stood up.

"Don't be so surprised now. I haven't unpacked yet, that's all," he said, not at all seeming to be embarrassed that his room was currently worse than a pigsty between cleanings.

I closed my mouth (I hadn't realized it was open), and immediately gave Potter a sweet smile. If I'm going through with the plan, I might as well start now. I guess I should say something right about now. "Er … good evening, _Professor_," I said in a saccharine way (with extreme difficulty).

Potter smiled amusedly. "Good evening, Miss Evans." He turned away from me and gestured towards the mess in the room. "I think you can guess what work I have for you today. I told the house-elves not to unpack my belongings. I told them there's a special someone who very badly wants to do it for me." He turned back to me and gave me a pleased expression. "That would be you, Miss Evans."

I kept smiling in the same, nauseatingly-sweet way. But on the inside, I was burning.

Potter decided to ignore my smiles. "Ready to get started, Lily?" I was startled at the mention of my first name. In a very strange way, him calling by my first name put things in perspective... I'm really going to do this, aren't I? Without thinking of the ramifications of my decision, I finalized it. But I'm not one to go back on my decisions.

When Potter called me Lily, I grimaced and nodded slowly. My actions apparently made Potter smile even widely. He's really enjoying this, isn't he?

"Er, professor?" I called out to James, who was clearing up the tea scene. "Am I allowed to use my wand?" I asked when he looked up at me.

He gave me a weird look. "Of course! I did not expect you to finish it today without magic!" Did I just hear an insult in there somewhere? I wanted to yell out, "For your information, Potter, I can too finish all this _without magic _tonight." But obviously I didn't. What can I say, I'm stuck. He can give me more detention or do something worse quicker than I can say "Oops!"

"I will also obviously be helping you out," he continued, completely ignorant of the internal battle I was currently fighting: to lash out or to not lash out. "This _is _my room, after all. _I _need to arrange it. And I don't think you have the instinct of a house-elf to pack the room according to my tastes without my help." … did I hear _another _insult in there??? What is this nuisance? If he wants me to respect him as a professor, he needs to respect me as a student.

Doesn't he?

Sniff. I don't know. I'm so confused and feeling defeated at this point, that I decided to let it go. Lily Evans, letting go TWO insults. That's a first. You saw how angry I got at Avery for that one insult.

So I got to work. I opened up the closest box to me, which contained some chinaware. I looked around in the room, and noticed a wooden cabinet. There were already a few cups in the cabinet, so that must mean that the rest of the china could go there as well. As I was removing a porcelain plate from the box, Potter called me over.

"Lily! Come help me with this stuff here!"

I scowled. I'm doing something here, aren't I? And I'm not five; I can figure out where things go alright.

But what can I do? I'm practically Potter's slave. I have to listen to whatever he says. And maybe being closer to him will make him realize he can't resist my attractiveness?

I trudged through the boxes to where he was standing. He seemed to be unpacking a box full of books. There were two more boxes next to Potter that contained books as well. I was surprised … Potter actually read books? _This_ many books?

"Hand me the books, and I'll quickly stack them in here," he directed, pointing to a small bookcase.

The first box of books was labeled: "Hogwarts Books". I bent down and took out two books: _The Art of Teaching _and _Proper Teaching Methods: How to Make Your Students Listen_. I guess Potter actually did come prepared to teach …

The next few books I removed from the box were also similar, related to teaching or to Defense against the Dark Arts. A few of the books I recognized, for they were NEWT-level textbooks of Charms, Transfiguration, and such. The last book in the box was a very battered copy of _Hogwarts, A History_.

I felt the need to smile. This book was one of the very first Wizarding books I read. When my parents and I went to Diagon Alley for the first time before my first year, I bought this book along with my textbooks. The book is a main reason why the Hogwarts castle holds so much magic for me.

Apparently Potter felt the same way. "I got that book when I was nine," he said nostalgically. "My older brother had just come back home from his first year at Hogwarts, and he wanted me to experience the magic of Hogwarts. Even though he had only been here for one year, he fell completely in love with the castle," he said, surprising me.

I looked up at him to see a very nostalgic look on his face. His eyes were unfocused, as if he was staring at the memory. As for me, I was dumbstruck. The way he talked … he sounds at least five years more mature than me. I'd never believe happy-go-lucky-prank-till-you-drop James Potter could talk about something this seriously. It definitely made me forget the two most important things: that he is my professor, and that I am supposed to be working on seducing him.

"I didn't know you had an older brother … " I asked faintly.

Potter nodded. "He is three years older than me, and we were very close."

I think there are tears in his eyes … did they split up later on or something? 'We _were_ very close,' he said. "Where is he now?" I asked.

Potter looked at me finally, with a sad smile on his face. "That is quite unnecessary for you to do your job, isn't it?"

Okay, mister. Be that way. I was just asking, no need to take it so personally … I mutely nodded and pushed aside the now empty box.

I opened the second box, which was labeled "James' Books". Haha, whoever labeled this box does not know his grammar ...

"Hey!" I blurted before I could stop myself. Wow, what a dork I am, wanting to correct this grammatical error.

"Yes?" Potter said, looking at me expectantly.

"Er, nothing. Just that, technically, there should be another _s_ after the apostrophe on this label, because you _are_ singular …" God, I'm such a retard. I'm sure Potter cares about the fact that there's an _s_ missing after the apostrophe.

Potter blinked. "Thank you … for the correction?" He said uncertainly. "I'll be sure to mention that to Sirius the next time I see him …"

That made me angry randomly. Nincompoop. Way to make me look nerdy. I must have pouted subconsciously, because Potter suddenly laughed out loud, his eyes full of mirth. And he laughed and laughed straight for at least three minutes.

I thought he was laughing at my dorkiness. So I pouted more, and said, "Had your bout of laughter? Shut it already, idiot." (When I said I had forgotten those two things, I was serious. Those two pieces of truth were about 600 miles away from my mind).

"Oh Merlin, I forgot …" he said, still trying to control his laughter. "I completely forgot …" Gosh, he didn't even have the decency to tell me what exactly he had forgotten so completely. "Totally forgot how easily you could make me laugh," he finished, giving me a funky smile. I describe it as _funky _not because it's weird, but it's strange seeing the smile coming from Potter to me … that's the smile my father gives my mother and vice-versa. That's the smile Rick gives Ilsa in _Casablanca_.

But his uncontrollable laughter made me smile a little. Since he seemed to be a good-enough mood, let's ask him something that's been bugging me. "Professor?" I called out, tentatively.

Potter continued to try to control his laughter, but nodded to let me talk. "Er … can I ask you something?"

He nodded again.

"Can I _not _call you Professor when there's nobody around?"

This is what came on Potter's face at the end of my question: SHOCK!

Then came: SILENCE …

I didn't dare say anything. I put my hands inside the folds of my robes and crossed my fingers. I also crossed the toes inside my socks, hoping against hope that Potter would give in.

It's just … it's so hard to call him Professor. Potter and I had a very strange relationship last year. Sometimes, we'd be friends. People would find us having a pleasant conversation in the common room or in the grounds. But more often, we'd have yelling matches. Potter would ask me out as a prank, and that obviously would incense me. And then I'd yell at him, calling him a few choice names such as "BRAINLESS RETARD!!" or "ARROGANT PRAT!" or my absolute favorite, "FOUR-EYED DONKEY!"

And then, the next day, we'd be having breakfast together as nothing had ever happened. Don't worry, I'm not that ignorant or insensitive. I could tell that I had touched Potter's feelings somewhere in that yelling match. He always hated it that I called him Potter. He always called me Lily, sometimes Evans. But I'd never called him anything but Potter.

So you see, by him going and becoming my Defense professor, he complicated our relationship even more. Now I'm required to call him _Professor_.

Finally, Potter broke the silence. "Lily …" he started. I looked up into his face, still all my fingers and toes crossed. (By the way, I've never mentioned it, but James Potter is a full head taller than me. That is why I always look _up _at him.)

"Fine, you don't have to call me Professor when there's no one around."

I actually full-out smiled when he said this. Oh, but I should have expected the _but_ …

"BU-UT ... you have to call me James. Not Potter," he said, smiling at me in that funky way I described earlier.

OH, ANYTHING TO STOP CALLING YOU PROFESSOR! "Done." I said, smiling back at him. We shook on it.

So that is how I started calling him _James_. Mark this as an important development in our story. (Also note that it will be easier to "seduce" him when I'm calling him James …)

---

Out of habit, I randomly glanced at my watch. The time was almost 9:10. I suddenly yelped.

"What? What is it?" James asked agitatedly.

"It's past nine ... students shouldn't be in the hallways after 9 pm," I replied, giving James a worried look. "Not that it matters to you, Mister, you never cared for curfew or other rules, did you?" I asked him, with a smile on my face.

James laughed out loud. "Rules are for wimps," he said, causing me to roll my eyes. "I – "

" – have the guts to break them. That's great, James, I know. But we've barely done anything! And I have to leave! I should have left ten minutes ago." I scowled at him. "If I get into trouble – "

"Lily, _you're_ _Head Girl_. If you're in here, who's going to be out there checking for people breaking curfew?"

Hmm … good point. Haven't thought of that. James went into another room that was connected to the main room, and returned in a few seconds. "Peeves is in the seventh floor, Filch is in his office, the cat is with him. There's no one out there now. So go!"

I was happy to hear that the coast was clear. "But how do you know this stuff?" I asked with conviction.

"Marauder secret," he said. This has got to be the seven-millionth time I've heard him say that infuriating phrase. I ask him anything, and he says, "Marauder secret".

"Fine. Can I ask you something else?"

"You just did," he gave the most annoying response to that question.

I gave him a glare and continued. "What happened between your brother and you?"

His face noticeably hardened, but not completely so. "He died. The summer after he graduated from Hogwarts, he was killed by an enemy."

"How come you never mentioned your brother to me?"

"You didn't know me before fifth year."

"Then why didn't you tell me about this after we got acquainted?"

"I didn't want to waste away my life grieving about his death. He wouldn't have liked that."

Even now, I noticed that James was being pretty light-hearted about the whole incident. "What was his name?"

"Christian." James had that teary look in his eyes again.

"Can I ask you something else?"

James gave me an irritated look. "That is the tenth time tonight you have asked me that question."

I ignored that. "I have … a Heads' meeting tomorrow night. I won't be able to make it to detention." Oh darn, I'd forgotten that this is actually _detention_ and not just a cozy reunion.

"Then come on Saturday," he replied, unfazed. (today is Thursday, by the way).

"WHAT?!? I deserve a weekend off. I have plans on Saturday night." No I don't, but it had to be said!

He laughed again at the pout that was currently on my face. I guess he thinks my pouts are funny … ? "Not in the evening. Come around 10 in the morning. I have work for you."

I gave him a bored look. "You're going to make to do work on _Saturday? _You of all people should know better!" James Potter and working on Saturday don't go together.

Or that's what I thought.

"As your professor, Miss Evans, I think I have more authority to determine when your detentions will be than yourself." His sudden change in tone made me even madder.

"Fine. See you later." I huffed and turned around to leave.

"See you later _what_?" he repeated.

I turned around to face him again and glared at him strongly. "See you later, _sir_."

When I was almost out of the room, James called my name again.

"Lily!"

I turned around again, with my eyebrows raised. What now?

"Thanks for coming in tonight and helping me out. I really did enjoy your company," he said with a good-natured smile.

Smiling back at him, I walked into the room again towards James. When I reached him, I got onto my tippy-toes and kissed him on the cheek. My face still close to his, I breathed out, "You're welcome."

And with that kiss, I felt I had finished my job for tonight. Julie would be proud of me. I walked towards the exit again. Just as I was about to walk out the door, I turned around to give a finishing touch: I winked at him.

And with that, I left.

---

**_Out of Lily's mind, and into James' (with the correct punctuation, of course!)_**

As she left, I couldn't help but smile like a maniac. The lover-boy part of my mind was on Cloud Nine ... I touched the place on my cheek where she kissed me, hardly believing she actually did that! And on top of that, she _winked _at me ...

Lily, who refused to show _any_ amount of affection towards me, actually kissed me on the cheek and winked at me on the first day! The signs may be subtle, but they're recognizable ...

WHAT ARE YOU THINKING, JAMES POTTER?!? came the voice of the well-reasoned, logical part of my mind, which came as a mental kick to myself. YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE GETTING CLOSE TO LILY!

But it was _her _who started it ... _she_ kissed me, _she _winked at me ...

AND _YOU _ARE THE PROFESSOR, _YOU _ARE THE OLDER ONE, _YOU _KNOW MORE THAN THAT! THINK OF YOUR POSITION, THINK OF THE WAR!

AAH, I'm so idiotic!!

I hung my head in shame, accepting defeat and embracing reality. When Dumbledore suggested I come to teach Defense this year, I had suspected this issue would come up. I had loved Lily for so long, how can I control myself this year? _It won't be hard_, I reassured myself then. After all, Lily feels nothing towards me. We'll barely talk; it cannot be _that _hard to control my emotions. _Think of why you're going there, James. Think of the repercussions ..._ _You have to leave Lily alone. If you love her, you do ..._

But things got complicated on the first day. Especially with that _wink_ ... but I must stay away. If this goes any farther, Lily will surely be in danger. There is more in jeopardy here than my job. Remain stolid, James. Don't get yourself ruffled.

And I _had_ to tell her to come here on Saturday, didn't I? Oh Merlin, what am I getting myself into? Stupid James, stupid James, stupid James, stupid James, stupid James...

---

A/N: This may not have been up to your expectations (I apologize if this is true) ... I know, they're both weird and almost uncharacteristic in this chapter … It's almost like I don't know what to make of the relationship between James and Lily … haha. Don't worry, there's a plot to all this madness. Tell me your favorite part of Book Seven in a review! (I'm really curious!)


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